So many feelings….

Last night Ryan and I read over the adoption contract again — 15 pages plus disclosure forms — and signed on all of the dotted lines. Today, I sent it off to the agency and we are waiting to hear from them to set up our account and fill out the official application. I told Ryan the other day that all of our children have been under contract in one way or another. And when I say children we are parents to 4 – Hunter, Hunter’s twin and our miscarriage and our little emby-baby = 4 babies and we are truly blessed to have Hunter with us. Kiddo and contracts:

  • First round of IUIs – 3 failed, 1 worked = Hunter (all 4 under contract with one clinic)
  • Second round of IUIs – 5 failed (contracts with 2 different clinics, thank you insurance [insert eye roll])
  • Attempted IVF – 2 embryos, 1 miscarriage, 1 never set up camp (contracts with one clinic, again than you insurance for making me change clinics again)

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As I was saying a lot of mixed feelings today, no tears — well almost. Mixed feelings of knowing that this is another adventure to expand our family, mixed feelings of really putting an end to trying to get pregnant, mixed feelings of meeting a birth mom who will be in our lives for forever, mixed feelings about what if we don’t get picked, or what if she changes her mind at the last minute…the list can go on and on and on. It’s scary and exciting and stressful and hopeful.

There is birth mom out there who is making a huge amazing life changing decision (possibly at this moment, right now) to have her baby and to go the adoption route. It breaks my heart just thinking about it because it takes a very strong person and one who loves that baby so much to make this choice. And we want to be the family that takes that little one home and makes them our child and raises them in our house and loves that little person unconditionally.

This is not how I thought we would have a family — the ‘plan’ was (silly me for making a plan, I should know better — Gods plan is far better than my own). My ‘plan’ was: Married by 23, have 4 kids before 29, in my dream house. Well, reality is: Married at 27, had 1 kiddo at 30, still working on the dream house 🙂 I never imagined that it would take us almost 2 years to get pregnant with faith and science, finding out that your husband can’t have kids, finding a donor (online shopping – seriously, I’ll tell ya all about it if you want to know), then finding out that your eggs are that of a 50 year old and that they are of poor quality and that even IVF wasn’t a sure shot — it was a better shot than IUIs but still didn’t work.

But going through all of this I have learned a LOT about my faith, my husband (he’s amazingly supportive, he’s my rock and keeps me together when I get a little stress-crazy) and our family. Who cares if I don’t have a family the ‘conventional’ way – not many people do any more.

So welcome to my family — our expanding family, no matter how long that takes or how it happens. This is our adventure and we are scared, excited, nervous and hopeful!

So a new adventure begins…

First I want to take a quick minute to introduce myself, my name is Marianne and I’m a wife and a mom (I love both of these titles). Anyways, I wanted to start this blog to capture our family adventures. There will be everything from our infertility journey, our adoption journey and family fun/trips/stories…

The title says it all “So a new adventure begins…” it covers a lot of different things going on in our life. Here are just a few:

  1. Starting this blog
  2. Just bought a new house (that’s a whole different blog..ugh…has not been smooth sailing)
  3. Filled out our preliminary application to start the adoption process

The biggest adventure is going to be the adoption (clearly, it’s bold)! I am nervous, excited, freaked out, hopeful…the feelings go on and on and on. This is also a very sad step for me at the same time – closing the chapter on being pregnant again [which I loved]. We struggled for two years with 3 failed IUIs, crazy fertility meds (crying in Menards because they didn’t have the door I wanted – my husband is a saint), donor swimmers and finally the 4th try we were pregnant.

Well our little monster is now two and we’ve been hopeful that another round of fertility meds and IUIs would work…they didn’t. We had to jump up to IVF after 5 failed IUIs and lots of changes to meds. Turns out we had a miracle baby with Hunter. After more testing we were now categorized as Male and Female factor on the infertility charts — whoohooo —- over achievers (or something like that). Turns out my body hates me and we ended up with two little embryos to use. Fingers crossed for the first transfer, which ended in a miscarriage at 6 weeks. The second emby-baby never set up camp, on to the next chapter of family planning…

With LOTS of praying, meeting with adoptive families, people from church, reading blogs, attending adoption events….we decided that there is a little baby out there who needs a family and that we are going to be their family. So here we are….we just sent in our first application step for this process!

Wish us luck…more to come!!!